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Enlightened
By peace | September 17, 2007
What I had no time to blog these few days
All bad things always come together and happiness is only so short and so transient. Today Clara did not go to school again. On Friday, I noticed bruises on her nose bridge. She did not tell me all about it after she came back from school. It was only after I questioned her then I knew what happened. Her form teacher did not even tell me about it. She told me that Jun Yi had used his plastic water bottle to throw at her. This is so dangerous. It was already 8pm by the time I knew this. Otherwise I would had called up the teacher to know the full details. There were bruises on her thighs as well. On her neck and cheek were some scabs as well.
I had been very busy blogging to earn money. I had been busy like an octopus, having to play multiple roles as a housewife, mother, wife and breadwinner. Since Saturday, she had been measuring her temperature. She must be feeling sick. Her temperature was ranging from 37 - 37.7 degree celsius. Yesterday, I noticed her eyes were a bit red. I thought she was tired. After church, we went to my brother’s house for dinner. After that he sent us home. At home, I found that her eyes were redder than yesterday. She had sore eyes. I had ran out of medication for the eyes. During the night, her fever was coming up.
Life is pain and torture
This morning, she was still running low-grade fever. Her eyes were still red. I had to cancel Valerie’s tuition and postpone it to tomorrow. In the afternoon, after I brought Ricsson to school, I walked to Causeway Point to get some medication from Pharmacy. My whole body was aching. As I was climbing up the bridge to cross the road, I suddenly had some thoughts that come to me. I am only mid way of life. Yet I am suffering pains and aches everyday. As I was climbing up the stairs, I thought of old people who have pains and aches. I understand how life is a torture to them.
Death is a relief from tiredness and pain
Yesterday at the church, though I could not absorb anything that was happening in the church, a new inspiration came to me. I got the answers of why people always say that those people who die is actually a relief to them. Death is a relief to life’s pain and suffering. Only after death can we really rest in peace, to go back to God, to be united with him again in heaven. I would look forward to that day. Yesterday, I was totally exhausted, hardly can I breathe and in my brother’s car, I had yawned non-stop, even in the church. It came to my mind that if my mind is closed, there is no way I can accept anything, not anything that was preached or said. The same thing happens to children. If they have no interest in their studies, no matter how hard I tell them, they are not going to absorb anything.
I had so much things awaiting me to do. I had told Richard’s mother, which is my mother-in-law that I am working like a cow and a horse some time back when she came to our house. She had always thought that I am very free and I am always sleeping. She always thought that I will ill-treat her son.
I choose to be a mediocre. I want my life to be such.
Today as I was carrying 3 heavy plastic bags of groceries, food plus medicines, walking home, another thought come to my mind. I saw my own reflection in the lift as I stepped into it. What really is success? Am I successful? I thought that I am happy being a mediocre. There is nothing special about me. I thought Money is not a measure of success. At the death bed, you are not going to bring anything with you when you breathe your last. So what if you slough so hard and had so much wealth when you cannot have happiness and peace during the process? I may not have money, but I consider myself successful because I have what I want and this is the life I want. I have a husband, who at least gave me something during my birthday and I have two children, a boy and a girl, in good health and shape. They may not be the brightest, they are not top scorers, but they are still my children, my close kins.
Nothing is forever or everlasting. Happiness is transient. You come to earth empty handed, what you expect to bring along with you when you leave the earth?
Just as I feel that I was successful in this manner, and I am comforted that all my hardwork is worth it, I had another heartbroken and grief-stricken incident happened. I just feel very sad. For thinking that I am successful is totally wrong. I thought to myself, what is the biggest mistake in my life. The Chinese always say, marriage is a major decision that affect our whole life. How true it is.
September 17th, 2007 at 10:20 am
[...] Why do I need to be so busy? Why do I work like cow and horse? What do I gain in return? Body aches, joint and muscular pain? Do you have any sense and sensibility? [...]
September 18th, 2007 at 1:46 am
[...] This is Clara’s eyes. This morning, she had difficulty opening her eyes. They were all sticky and puffy. This picture was taken last night. This morning, her eyes did not get better despite the medicine I had used. I decided to bring her to the doctor. [...]
September 18th, 2007 at 8:58 am
[...] Regardless of her explanation to the incident that happened in school on Friday, what I really want is her reply and just a ’show’ at least to me that she is responsible and that I had voiced my concern. I just want to make sure that nothing would happen to her in future. What if something really serious happen one day and she as her form teacher, did not even inform me again. I do not expect her to tell me any petty things, but getting hit on the head and having bruises on the nose bridge is no small matter. [...]
October 5th, 2007 at 4:34 am
[...] Clara was absent from school for a few days. New chapters taught. She missed her class, missed her worksheets. I asked the teacher to pass the homework to her. She said “Nevermind, she will let her do those worksheets when she comes back to school.” (I did not know if the insurance claim is going to be successful. Yesterday, Clara told me that Ms Shervani asked about the MC, and asked about who the doctor was. Isn’t this ridiculous?? The Medical Certificate would have the name and address of the Doctor! The general office had taken the receipt so as to process the claim. And here she is, asking about the doctor’s name, and she did not call me again when I had written in the student handbook. She had asked Clara to convey the message to me! When I asked more, she did not know anything. Isn’t this infuriating when there is such thing as Student Handbook! This is the ultimate reason for blogging this post!) [...]